When Innovation Meets Self-Doubt 

I’ve been studying several change theories lately as I look to lead a season of change. Kotter, Rogers, Bridges, Lewin, and (for the Arrow Emerging participants) Thom S Rainer’s “Who moved my pulpit?” all give an incredible look at the process and machinations of change and its impact on people and organisations. Looking at these models on the precipice of change is incredibly helpful as a leader.  

But one thing they all miss is perhaps unique to those of us in the ‘innovator’ category on the scales, those of us often accused of being ‘Pioneers’, those of us leaders, like myself, who find ourselves at the beginning of the change process, ready to step out, into the unknown, to stake our flag on the future ground. I’m wondering if missing in these eloquent and deeply well-thought-out processes and models of change is when innovation is met with self-doubt? 

I’ve found myself in the past few months in that beautiful, sunny place where vision explodes in your heart, and you get a glimpse of what could be if you embrace the change process, listen to God and go forth and conquer. I’ve been encouraged, inspired, challenged and spurred on. After several years that could have been defined as ‘uncertain’, I felt the build-up of faith and vision push me onto the sturdy but invisible steps toward significant change. From one of those heights, however, sitting at my kitchen table, sipping on my morning coffee, I was dealt a substantial blow from within – that cloud of darkness we know as self-doubt took over – “ I can’t do this”, “Not me”, “It’s not possible”, “God won’t…”. Self-doubt hit me like a ton of bricks. All that sunniness I had felt in vision became rain inside my heart and mind as the impossible, the unknown, the uncertain took hold.  

As I’ve processed this with mentors, Jesus, and in my own space, I’ve realised this is a familiar feeling. As an innovator, I’m often stopped when things start to gain momentum because of my own sense of unworthiness, weakness, and incapability. This week, as I’ve travelled through these feelings and sought the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I’ve wondered what happens when innovation meets self-doubt?  

I’m reminded again that God repeatedly chooses individuals who are uncertain of their abilities. Through the Scriptures, we see examples of God using self-doubting men and women to display His power and bring about transformation. 

In Judges 6, the story of Gideon is one I can resonate with. Called by God to deliver His people from the oppression of the Midianites, when the angel of the Lord first approaches Gideon, he is called a “mighty warrior” Gideon gets spooked by the expectation and immediately is overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy and doubt. Yet God chose Gideon precisely because of his humility and doubt, using him to deliver Israel with a mere 300 men, demonstrating that victory comes not by human might but by God’s power. 

That is what happens at the intersection of innovation and self-doubt – God is glorified. As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, God’s response to human weakness is, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Self-doubt can be a pathway for God to initiate change, ensuring that He, not human ability, receives the glory. 

But doesn’t that make God a bit…arrogant? This isn’t arrogance; it’s the natural expression of our devotion to God, aimed at revealing His attractiveness, omnipotence, and accessibility to others. The changes we seek in ourselves, our ministries, and our organisations are about reaching others for His glory. To make that mission a reality, I must decrease so God can increase.  

Self-doubt in the process of change and innovation sits between less of me and more of Him.

Cath Tallack

Emerging Leaders and Rise Program Director